Cythia Plastercaster on Health Care

Interview by Cath Carroll

CP: I find it most disturbing and... confusing.

CC: Where are you on the question of insurance?

CP: I favor universal insurance, a single payer system, somewhere between the Canadian and British model.

CC: Do you feel this safety net should absolve us of all personal responsibility in keeping ourselves out of the doctor's office? For example, some sort of legislation to stop smoking and improve our diets.

CP: You mean like having a law against taking up too much room on the bus? Sure. You must not let yourself go too far.

CC: So the healthcare crisis begins at home?

CP: Absolutely. You have to look inside yourself. Once I went for a colonic with my manager. Neither of us like it. You should time your visits to be useful, like if you're plugged up. But I wasn't, really. Nothing came out.

CC: What about those pocket things?

CP: What things?

CC: Diverticuli. A constant demon in the colonics industry appears to be the Ham Sandwich You Over-Ate When You Were Fourteen. Like your insides are hoarding deli tray of viands, all squirreled away. Are you sure you didn't have anything?

CP: I couldn't see what was flowing through my tube, it was directed behind me. There might have been a ham sandwich. Enemas are always a good idea. A friend suggests stringing the enema bag over a high tree branch. He says the pressure is incredible.

CC: Dr. Richard Schulze, a specialist in alternative colon care, claims if there was a coffee shortage, we'd need nuclear weapons to unblock America.

CP: It would take more than coffee to unblock America, darling.

CC: Thank you, Cynthia.

-- Cath Carroll records for Teenbeat Records, which is manufactured and distributed by Matador.